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Fun Joel's Screenwriting Blog

(OR EL DUDERINO IF YOU'RE NOT INTO THE WHOLE BREVITY THING)

-- On Screenwriting and Related Topics

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Location: Los Angeles, CA

I moved from NYC to LA in October, 2003. And though I still think NYC is the greatest city in the world, I'm truly loving life here in the City of Angels. I'm a writer, reader, and occasional picture-taker.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Answering the Challenge

I like this idea. Red Right Hand has issued his "One Page Challenge." I've already seen a few others from around the scribosphere taking him up on it.

The idea is, we all talk a lot about writing, but most of you haven't read any of our writing. So he asks us to post a single page from a script we've written.

It is true that I've already posted 3 1/2 pages that I wrote for the Scribosphere Group Script Project. But here's one more anyway. This is the very first page of a comedy I wrote that awaits one more significant revision. But this page will likely stay as is. I haven't spoken much about this script on here (though I've spoken a relative lot about my vampire western, and a decent bit about my D2DVD horror script). And perhaps I'll talk more about it when I'm into revisions on it. But for now, please enjoy Page 1:


  • Over a BLACK SCREEN we HEAR grandly bombastic orchestral music. Think Chariots of Fire or 2001: A Space Odyssey.
  • FADE IN:
  • A HAMSTER
  • runs in SLO-MO on an exercise wheel. More intent than content, he runs and runs and runs.
  • Unexpectedly, a mystical fog rolls in. The Hamster perks up. His whiskers twitch as he looks around.
  • Gradually, we PULL BACK to reveal the Hamster is inside a massive Habitrail environment. Its vast size is surpassed only by the complexity of its twists and turns. But there's also a beauty to his habitat -- an architectural quality.
  • Continuing BACK, we find CARSON GOODMAN (28) with his lips pressed tightly against the end of one of the Habitrail tubes. He is relatively clean cut, with dirty-blonde hair, on the slightly longish side.
  • Carson's hand holds a cigarette lighter, and is extended up to the "Observatory" of the Habitrail, high above the rest of the Hamster's living quarters.
  • As Carson SUCKS on the end of the Habitrail tube, smoke billows down from the observatory, BUBBLING through the Hamster's water bottle. We FOLLOW it along the twisty tubes of the Habitrail, past the Hamster's exercise area, and finally into Carson's mouth.
  • Yes, this is, in fact, the largest bong we've ever seen.
  • CARSON
  • (exhaling slowly)
  • That's goooood. But it'd be a lot cooler if your hamster didn't bogart half the smoke.
  • CLOSE ON:
  • THE HAMSTER
  • No longer on the exercise wheel. He now sits still, staring at the wheel as it spins, around and around, mesmerized by its swirly motion.

  • And maybe we spot a little hamster grin forming on his face.

Now let's read some more one-pagers from the rest of y'all!

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12 Comments:

Blogger Warren said...

Very cute opening. I'm intrigued. What's the story about, or are you keeping it under wraps. Anyway, thanks for sharing. I'll post a page of mine on my site soon as well.

9:32 PM  
Blogger Fun Joel said...

I wouldn't say I'm keeping it under wraps, per se, but I'm going to hold off on discussing it on here for now. Will likely discuss it later, once I get into revisions, however.

11:05 PM  
Anonymous Joshua said...

Nice work -

I'd be happy to post a page, if I could figure out how the hell to do it - I'm clueless when it comes to my own blog - I still haven't figured out how to get the plugins loaded to add blogroll and all the other fun things, and my programmers (They Whom Set Site Up) be OcCuPod-do.

I have a really fun short script I hope to post - it features that famous red-head Ron Howard - anyone want to read it, just let me know!

4:17 AM  
Anonymous chris soth said...

Argh. Now I've gotta post something? This was all some elaborate con to either steal my work or b) expose me for the fraud I am, right?

I like the opening too -- love the gag of the habit-trail bong, elaborate and very funny. Which story is it from? Would be a lot of fun to know the context. Now I AM curious...which is only further compliment to the writing, I reckon.

btw, like JJ, above, I have a standing offer to email a pdf of my produced script, Firestorm for anyone who asks -- often sent out as an apology to people who actually saw the movie, and it shouldn't take long to get to them all. My preference is to PREVENT people from seeing the movie by persuading them to read it instead.

Ok, now I gotta look at scripts...

cbs
milliondollarscreenwriting.com

6:33 AM  
Anonymous chris soth said...

PS. does it have to be the FIRST page?

6:34 AM  
Blogger Iain said...

Joel,

Tres amusing opening.

What's the title?

Hamster Jam?
Hamster damned?

4:54 PM  
Blogger Warren said...

Joshua, you can always take a screenshot of the page open in final draft, then crop the .jpg and post that. E-mail me if you have any questions, or maybe someone here has another way to post.

6:46 PM  
Blogger Webs said...

I took the easy way, although I made a GIF. No reason not to with black-and-white images.

Looks like crap, though. You guys may shame me into hand-coding eventually.

But I doubt it.

It's here.

8:54 PM  
Anonymous Joshua said...

hey warren,

first of all, all I heard / read was blah buh blah blah jpeg, blah blah - and it's not you, it's me, my head is very resistant (or just thick) to the tech talk, though I am trying and learning and I may email you about it - but it's slow going -

I cannot, however, even post pictures or jpegs on my site as of yet - I cannot seem to be able to download the wordpress plugins that I need to be able to do this - I'll figure it out and may email you sometime - thanks!

1:04 AM  
Blogger MaryAn Batchellor said...

Clever. Very clever.

7:44 PM  
Blogger oneslackmartian said...

Demented. I'm going to be laughing at this all day.

5:44 PM  
Blogger s.warren said...

Nice opening. The little hamster grin is a good touch. I'm really late on this, but I just posted my one page.

4:57 PM  

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