Hot Chicks Aren't Funny
Fans: "Just Shut Up and Look Good"
April 5, 2006
LOS ANGELES - In a joint news conference this morning in downtown Burbank, executives for the major television networks announced a startling revelation: hot chicks simply are not funny. This in the wake of last night's weak debut for Pepper Dennis, a new sitcom starring certified hottie Rebecca Romijn. Execs blame viewers, claiming this is just the latest in a season-long trend. They conclude that only men and a few fat women are capable of carrying a sitcom.
"We've tried to expand viewers' options," said Riley Doolittle, head of development for The WB, the network that aired Pepper Dennis. "Apparently, however, supermodels and other beautiful women are incapable of making fans laugh."
Pepper finished fifth among the coveted 18-34 demographic and lost 38 percent of its lead-in audience from Gilmore Girls. This follows other poor showings on babe-centric sitcoms this season. Heather Graham starrer Emily's Reasons Why Not met a similar fate. And despite a second season push by Fox sitcom Stacked, with uber-boob Pamela Anderson, it still is struggling to stay on the air. Most recently, CBS' Courting Alex, starring Jenna Elfman, was put "on hiatus" after a 74th place finish.
"Courting Alex is not a very good example of this trend," said media analyst I. M. Single. "Elfman is less universally recognized as a hottie. While many guys find her sexy, others just think she's kind of funny looking. But those other babe bombs illustrate a clear trend among viewer tendencies."
Comments on fan websites support this discovery. One fan on HomeTVCritics.com, identified only by his nickname "Scum," posted the following: "Tell these babes to just keep their mouths shut, and show us their tits. Alpha Tau Sigma rules!"
The sitcom discovery follows a similar revelation in the feature film biz. Following dismal box office showings of Elektra, Catwoman, and Aeon Flux, studio execs concluded that viewers don't want to watch hot chicks kicking ass. While there have been a few such successes (e.g. Tomb Raider), more often than not, fans want to see their hot chicks kicking ass in support of men who are doing the same. Trend spotters point to such examples as X-Men (also featuring Romijn) and the addition of Rene Russo to Lethal Weapon 3. Even the Catwoman character worked great when hottie Michelle Pfeiffer was sexily supporting Michael Keaton in Batman Returns.
Film Producer Norm Allipour claims there are other factors involved. "It's all about the story, isn't it? Those movies underperformed due to weak scripts, not because they featured hot women kicking ass."
Studio execs dismiss this notion, claiming that market testing has indicated that viewers love to look at hot chicks, but don't want to see them "looking too tough." They point to the most successful segment of the film industry -- pornography.
Still, Allipour's ideas may be gaining some momentum in the TV biz as well. Showrunner Bjorn Genius is currently retooling a sitcom starring Jessica Alba. "We were going to have Her Hotness playing a single mom forced to move in with her ex-boyfriend and become a professional dogwalker to pay her bills. After Pepper fizzled we've decided to invest a bit more time and try to find a funny concept and some writers who actually know how to write a strong comedic role."
Upon hearing this, Scum responded, "I'll watch anything with Jessica Alba! She's really hot. Still, does she really have to try to make us laugh? Woooo! Alba Tau Sigma!"
Tags: sitcoms, Pepper+Dennis, Rebecca+Romijn, Heather+Graham, Jenna+Elfman, Pamela+Anderson, Michelle+Pfeiffer, Rene+Russo, Jessica+Alba, hot+chicks
posted by Fun Joel | 12:25 AM
13 Comments:
I haven't seen any of the comedies except Courting Alex, and that show is okay, nothing ground breaking. As far as not wanting to see good looking women kicking ass, I think those three films mentioned failed more due to story than the looks of the actresses.
Also, if we don't want to watch good looking females kicking ass, why was Dark Angel so popular, it ran for a few seasons.
cheers
Dave.
Grubber -- I concur. That's why I agree with Mr. Allipour's comments!
That's a lot of tags!
- Allen
That's why it's OK to admit I watch a show as girly as the Gilmore Girls .. not only are the two leads ultrahot (now that little Rory is definitely legal), but the writing is the best on TV
Catwoman, Electra, UltraStupid, Aeon Sux were all BAD movies. If they were half-decent, or somewhat good, like Underworld, they would have made some coin.
Pepper Dennis looked just plain DUMB, and Emily's Reasons Why Not was a steaming pile of shit.
Did someone really think that the people watching Gilmore Girls would want to stick around to be reminded they're not as skinny, tall, and stacked as Rebecca Romijn?
No wonder this Norm Allipour person has no credits on IMDB and doesn't get a hit on Google. He is concerned with story. He can't possibly exist in Hollywood.
Yeah Chesher. It might also explain why his name is what it is! (Say it out loud.)
Kelly Bundy was hot and she made me laugh 'til my eyeballs hurt. Of course, she didn't offend women because attractive AND unattractive women could point at her and say, "see, she may be hot but she's stupid!"
Kelly was part of an ensemble - not the same deal.
If we had to watch just Kelly? Gone within two clicks of a Neilson family's remote.
Sarah Silverman needs her own show on HBO.
I concur with Bill there. Kelly was/is hot, but she didn't carry that sitcom.
Still, I guess I should point out that I don't necessarily agree with the opinions of the article. I just wanted to post what I "found" since I thought it was interesting. :-)
Mary Tyler Moore was funny.
Goldie Hawn was funny.
Annie Hall was funny (sorry I forget who played her)
Funny is not such a mystery: it needs good acting and GOOD WRITING.
The only time a hot chick should be in a sitcom is when she's the wife or girlfriend of the fat star of the show.
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